


Old Friends 2.0

by RandomPerson11238



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-05-16 18:10:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 18,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19323412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomPerson11238/pseuds/RandomPerson11238
Summary: Clarke and Lexa are childhood friends, but when Lexa confesses to Clarke, and Clarke refuses, the two drift apart. Five years later, Clarke and Lexa are forced to be friends when they find themselves college roommates.





	1. Everything That Started This Mess

September 10th, 2050

“Clarke Griffin, I love you.”

The three words bounce around my head. They bounce to the point all I hear is the three words. Covering my mouth I notice something wet running down my cheeks. It’s not the rain… instead it’s my tears.

_I should be happy… right?_

“What about you? How do you feel?”

I can feel my hand shaking as I hold onto the phone. “I… I’m sorry”, without thinking I hang up. With shaking hands I look at the screen of my phone. The person I just turned down is holding up a peace sign, a big smile on her face. Dropping my phone I let the tears come. I feel like something broke down a wall, the wall that was holding everything up, holding me up.

“I’m so sorry.”


	2. Five Years and Counting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been five years since Clarke rejected Lexa. The thought still haunts Clarke, but just as she's learning to live with the consequences, a certain brunette walks back into her life.

_This_ = someone’s thoughts

******** = pov (point of view) change

**_“You may not see it today or tomorrow, but you will look back in a few years and be absolutely perplexed and awed by how every little thing added up and brought you somewhere wonderful- or where you always wanted to be. You will be grateful that things didn’t work out the way you once wanted them to”_**

**_\- unknown_ **

Sunday, August 15th, 2055

Looking up from my diary, I look out the window. The sun shines bright in the sky as birds fly about. People hang around the dorms, all of them doing something. Some talk, others laugh with one another, and some are alone but loving every minute of it. Sighing I look down at my diary, the first thing I notice is the empty pages.

_You have to write something Griffin._

I lightly chew on my pencil eraser as I think about something, anything. I got the diary when I was 5. A friend, used to be friends, gave it to me. When I find myself going back in time, reflecting on old memories, I shake my head.

“I can’t think, maybe a walk would help”, I set the pencil down. Turning in my chair I grab my shoes.

Five years after the event I still think of her. Her words echoing in my head. Her smile haunting my dreams. Her eyes piercing into my soul. All I can do is run.

“Stop thinking”, I close my eyes.

~

**Running through the woods I see green eyes. They follow me everywhere. I try to run towards the light but a big shadow drowns everything out. I feel myself falling, my arms flailing as I reach for a support, something to hold me up. There’s cracking as I fall onto glass hearts. All of them broken and bleeding. Standing up my feet sink into the pile. A colorful book lays in front of me. I try to take a step but only fall into the pile. I fall into ice cold water. In the distance a heart beats. It sends pulses through the water that push me closer. The closer I get, the darker everything gets. There’s a scream of pain as the heart shatters into nothing. The shards stabbing into me to the point I feel numb. My eyes begin to get heavy. A hand reaches out, inviting me to take it. Two green eyes look at me.**

**“Trust me.”**

~

Opening my eyes I see I’m still in my room. Everything where I left it. I walk over to the window. People are still laughing and talking, birds still fly in the air.

_Why does everything seem… darker?_

Sighing I put on my right shoe. Grabbing the keys and my phone, I head to my bedroom door. A multicolored book catches my attention. It lies under the coffee table in my room.

“What…”, I crouch down. Reaching under the bed I take out the book.

_Wow, I forgot about this._

I flip through the pages. Colorful drawings on each page. The drawings explain a story. I stop when the pages go white. Flipping back I realize the last colored page is a woman crying in the rain. Shaking my head I close the book. I leave it on the floor then leave my dorm. Once I’m outside the cold wind blows in my face. My hair blows along with it.

_Winter’s coming._

Tucking my hands into my pockets, I start walking.

“Morning”, a woman waves at me.

I smile back at her. I follow the sidewalk like usual. People wave and smile as I pass by. I tuck my chin into my jacket as an attempt to stay warm.

“Clarke!”, Raven runs up to me. “I thought you were dead”, she lightly nudges me.

Looking at her I notice she’s in running shorts and a sports bra. “How are you not cold?”

“If you stay moving then you’re body will warm itself up”, Raven starts stretching. “Join me for a run?”

“No thanks.”

“Then where are you going?”

“I was gonna walk to the Cafe.”

“Great, I’ll come along”, Raven jogs around me. “Let’s get going.”

Walking into the Cafe, warmth overflows my body. It sends a shiver down my spine. I walk to the bar at the front and sit down. Raven sits by me.

“What can I get you two ladies”, Murphy smiles at us.

“Hot chocolate please”, I breathe on my hands.

“And you?”, Murphy looks at Raven.

“Water’s fine.”

Murphy nods and heads into the kitchen.

“I didn’t think it got cold in California.”

Raven nods. “They say we’re supposed to get snow this winter.”

“Weird”, I smile at Murphy as he hands me my drink. “Thanks.”

“So, have you met your new roommate?”

Shaking my head I take a sip of hot chocolate. “I hope they’re cool”, I smile at Raven.

“I hope I get to show the person around”, Raven opens her water bottle.

“Someone has to”, I flash a smile at her.

The Cafe’s bell announces the arrival of someone.

“Good mo…” Murphy trails off.

Looking up at him I see him staring behind me. I look over my shoulder. A brunette stands with her back to me.

“Alexandria Woods?!”

_Alex?_

The brunette turns and looks at Murphy. “Blobfish”, she smiles. “How have you be…” her eyes land on me. “... Clarke?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bolded part is a nightmare of nightmare like daydream. The quote is bolded to show it's a quote.


	3. You Can't Run Forever

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

******** = pov (point of view) change

“Clarke?”

I feel my whole body freeze up, like a deer in the headlights. Though this time the headlights are forest green eyes. Like the eyes of Kaa, sucking you in, hypnotizing you to the point you can’t escape. A worthless struggle like prey in the mouth of its hunter.

Reaching over I grab Raven’s arm. “Leave.”

“What?”

“Leaving,” I look at her. “We’re leaving.”

“We just got here.”

I stand up and grab my stuff. “Now.”

Raven looks around. When she spots Lexa, she nods. “Right, sorry to leave Murphy but we have… things to do.”

I follow Raven to the exit. I pull my hoodie over my face in hopes I won’t see Lexa.

“Clarke,” someone grabs my wrist.

_ Is nothing ever easy? _

I stop in my tracks. “Let go… please.”

When there’s no response I look up at her. I feel my heart shatter when I do. Her green eyes full of unshed tears and fear. I force myself to look away from my weakness, her eyes. I notice her hair has grown a lot. It’s in a high ponytail but I can tell it’s long. She’s wearing a t-shirt and shorts. 

_ Even from here I can see she’s fit. _

“I’m sorry,” I pull my hand away from her. I leave the Cafe. I don’t fail to hear Lexa whisper my name.

“Klark.”

********

I’m forced to watch the blonde walk away. Walk away from me, getting farther and farther. Out of my reach, to the point she’s nothing but a dot in the distance.

“Tsk tsk, so sad,” someone puts their arm around my shoulder. They give it a tight squeeze. “If only she liked you.”

I look to my right to see Luna. She’s looking in the direction Clarke went.

“Welp, nothing we can do now,” she shrugs and lets me go. “Let’s just enjoy breakfast while we can.”

_ I think it’s too late for that. _

“You coming or what?”, Luna glances at me.

“I’m coming,” I follow Luna to a table.

“So… how are things at home?”

“Meh, the usual. Parents and my older siblings are off on a cruise”, I blow on the whip cream. It flies onto Luna.

“Hey!”, she flicks water at me.

Laughing I wipe my face. “Why do you ask?”

“Just curious… did they pay for your dorm?”

“Dad runs this college, he pulled a few strings and got me in free.”

“Must be nice to have rich parents,” Luna crosses her feet on the table.

“Says you, Mrs. Iliveinamansionwithtenmaidsandanalbinogreatdane.”

(it says Mrs. I live in a mansion with ten maids and an albino great dane) (Luna actually lives in the dorms but growing up her, her parents, and brother lived in a white mansion)

“Don’t forget the llama”, Luna smiles at me.

Luna and I have to go our separate ways eventually. I decide to take this free time to find my new dorm. As I walk, I take in my surroundings. A group of boys move a net off and on the street to play soccer.

_ I forgot they love soccer in this area. _

To my left I can see a tiny building.

“Fish and go”, I whisper the name to myself.

Looking through one of the windows I see you can buy stuff to fish, boats, and all that. There’s a dock behind the building.

_ I guess they like to fish. _

I continue walking down the busy streets. I lose count of how many joggers I see.

“For a city this seems more like a tiny town.”

In no time I find myself at the college gates. As soon as I step in, I’m almost hit with a football.

“Sorry”, a man runs over to me. He has dark brown hair that flops as he runs. “I should’ve warned you.”

“It’s fine”, I continue walking. 

_ Now where do I go? _

I spend about half an hour searching for the dorms. When I find them, some woman stands outside the doors.

“New member?”, she blows a bubble of gum.

“Yeah.”

“Name?”

“Alexandria Woods.”

“Full name”, she throws a glare at me.

“Alexandria Charmante Woods.”

“What kind of middle name is that?”

_ This woman is pissing me off. _

“It’s lovely in French, do you think we can move this along?”

“Alexandria, Alexandria”, the woman says my name over and over again as she searches the list.

“Let’s not wait until the grass is taller love”, I smile at her.

Her face heats up. “Found it, you’re in room C20”, she holds out keys. “These are your keys.”

“Who’s my roommate?”

The woman shrugs. “I have no idea.”

“It doesn’t say on the list?”, I take the keys.

“Hey, I just give room numbers.”

“And phone numbers?”, I hold up the white slip of paper she tried to secretly hand over.

Her face turns a bright shade of red. Using her clipboard to hide her face she says, “just go.”

“See you later”, I head inside the dorm. While I walk up the stairs I look at the slip of paper.

_ Anya… I’ll have to call later. _

I stop in front of my dorm room. “Here goes nothing”, I open the room. I can tell someone else lives here. There are a few dirty dishes, the tv is playing, and there’s a turtle crawling on the floor.

“Am I living with a weirdo?”, I head over to the turtle. There’s a bow on its shell. “Interesting… I didn’t think pets were allowed.”

There’s a click as the front door opens. 

“I already told you Ra…”, the person trails off.

I look over my shoulder to see a familiar blonde. “Clarke?”

“You gotta be kidding me”, Clarke steps out then comes back in.

“Not a trick”, Raven waves at me.

“Well shit”, Clarke says the words looking right at me.

_ This is gonna be an interesting year. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don’t know, Kaa is the snake from The Jungle Book. The big giant snake that tries to eat him. Her eyes basically suck him into a trance like state but Baloo (the bear) saves him. Also I don't know why but I for some reason imagine Lexa knowing French. I don't know why I just do. So she has a French middle name.
> 
> Note in a note:  
> I don't do chapter summaries, well I do put they're random. I may put one on one chapter then the next I don't.


	4. Nightmares and Memories

_This_ = someone’s thoughts

******** = pov (point of view) change

“Well shit.”

Not knowing what to do, I stand up and face the blonde.

_Take this slow Alexandria, slow._

“Cute turtle”, I point at the turtle on the floor.

Clarke doesn’t respond. Instead her eyes sweep up and down my body.

“He’s actually mine”, Raven steps forward. “His name is Jeffree.”

_At least someone will talk to me._

“Are pets allowed?”

“You have to pay an extra 100 dollars but with a pet this small I had to pay 50”, Raven walks over to the turtle. “But he’s actually a tortoise so when he starts growing I’ll have to move him to my friends house.”

I look back at Clarke. “So… we’re roommates.”

“It appears so”, Clarke closes the door behind her.

_This isn’t awkward._

I sit on the couch. “So… does Raven stay here too?”

Raven shakes her head. “I just come over often, there’s a spare room that you can use.”

“Great”, I stand up.

“Where is your stuff?”

I feel happiness overflow me.

_She’s talking to me!_

“I… it’s coming”, I look at her.

“With?”, Clarke heads to the kitchen.

“Movers.”

“When?”, Clarke busies herself in the kitchen. I can see she’s making something. “Raven? You want a grilled cheeses?”

“Yes please”, Raven nudges me. “She makes the best grilled cheese.”

I nod. “Um… in 3 days the movers will be here.”

“So you don’t have a bed?”, Clarke seems to ask herself more than me.

“It’s fine, I can sleep on the couch.”

“Where else would you sleep?”, she glances at me. A smirk on her face tells me she’s kidding.

_Wasn’t she avoiding me like an hour ago?_

When I don’t respond she shakes her head. “You want a grilled cheese?”

“I can make myself one”, I offer.

“No, it’s fine. I like to cook”, she freezes for a second.

“You ok?”

“Y-yeah, so do you want one or not?”

The feeling that she liked me goes away. It’s like she went… dark for a second.

“I would love one.”

Clarke nods but doesn’t say anything.

********

“I’ll be leaving”, Raven waves bye to me.

“Have a nice night”, I wave back. Once Raven is gone I decide to retire for the night.

“Clarke.”

_I thought the brunette was asleep._

“Yes?”

“Goodnight.”

Something seems to burn inside me. Not from anger but from something else.

“Goodnight”, I head to my room. When I do, I see Jeffree crawling on the floor. “Weirdo”, I pick him up. I set him in his box before taking out my diary. “What am I gonna write?”, I look at Jeffree. He slowly blinks at me before snapping at some of his food. “I’m asking a turtle”, I lean back in my chair. Using my foot I spin in a circle. The star stickers spin as I do. Closing my eyes I go back in time. To a time where everything was peaceful.

**(Beginning of flashback)**

**~**

**June 15th, 2039**

**“Captain! We’ve been shot!”, Alex yells from the back of the ship.**

**“How bad is it?”**

**“We’re gonna crash! Prepare for impact!”, Alex runs into the room.**

**The stars of space seem to disappear as my imagination slowly goes back to reality. Looking around I spot the slide that leads down the treehouse.**

**“Parachute! Let’s take the parachute”, I run over to the slide but Alex gets their first.**

**“After you”, she holds out her hand.**

**“Thank you”, I nod at her. Sitting on the slide I wait for Alex.**

**She sits behind me, her legs on either side of me. “Ready?”**

**“Of course.”**

**With a push we go down the slide. We land in the mud. Sitting up, I look at the ‘ship’.**

**“May you rest in peace Precious.”**

**Alex salutes to the ship. “You were a great ship.”**

**“Rawr!”, Dad pops out from behind the tree house.**

**“Alien!”, I stand up.** **  
** **“Run!”**

**I turn and run, Alex runs behind me.**

**“I’m gonna get you!”, dad roars behind us.**

**“Don’t worry Captain”, Alex picks up a stick. She turns and faces Dad. “I’ll protect you.”**

**When I look at her something seems to beat faster. My face flushes a bright red.**

**“Kids!”, Mom calls from the backdoor. “Lunch is ready, come eat.”**

**“But mooom”, I lean against Alex. “It was getting interesting!”**

**Alex laughs as she holds me up. “We can continue after.”**

**“Ugh, fine”, I stand up.**

**“Race ya!”, Alex starts running.**

**“No fair!”, I run after her. “You got a head start!”**

**Alex laughs. She stops and faces me. Her hand out. “Then take my hand, that way we’ll both win. Together”, she smiles at me.**

**Nodding I take her hand. “Together”, I smile back at her.**

**~**

**(End of flashback)**

When the chair stops spinning I notice the tears running down my face. I quickly wipe them away. Taking my pencil I start writing.

**_August 15th, 2055_ **

**_I don’t know why I still write in this thing, does me no good but here we go. Today_ ** ~~**_Alex_ **~~ **_Lexa came back. I tried to ignore her but she’s my roommate. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I spent 5 years trying to forget about her then she just shows up. She’s bringing back unwanted memories…_ **

Setting my pencil down I stand up. I crawl into bed. Sleep doesn’t come easy but when it does I have the worst night. Green eyes haunt my dreams once again.

**(Beginning of nightmare)**

**Instead of running through the forest, I’m sitting on a throne. In front of me Lexa stands. A rope around her neck, tears rolling down her face as she looks at me. Another person stands by her.**

_**Me?** _

**I pull the string sending Lexa into the air.**

**“No!”, I try to scream but nothing comes out.**

**Lexa kicks a few times before going still. Before I can react she turns into a million red shards. All of them broken. A heart slides over to me. Just as delicate as the shards but so much stronger. As I reach for it, someone grabs my chin forcing me to look at them. It takes me a second to realize the person. Lexa looks down at me.**

**“Why?”**

**_Why?_ **

**“Why’d you have to break us?”**

**She screams as she starts cracking. As she crumbles into sand, a sword remains on top of the sand. When I pick the sword up it turns into a stick. A little girl runs into the room.**

**“Captain!”, she stands in front of me. She takes the stick. “I’ll protect you.”**

**She looks at me, sadness suddenly coming over her. Looking around I notice we’re on a school roof. Lexa stands in front of me. Her school skirt blowing in the wind. “Trust me?”**

**I know this place. Lexa leans in. “You have to let me in,” she lays a kiss on my forehead.**

**(End of nightmare)**

A horrible headache wakes me up. My alarm blares in the background. Rolling over I turn off my alarm. The headache doesn’t seem to go away. I sit up.

“That was the weirdest dream”, I lightly shake my head.

Taking out my phone I look at the date.

“August 16th, 2055… first day of school.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the flashback Lexa is 8 and Clarke is 7. Just thought I’d clear that up so no one had to do the math or figure out how old they were. And Alex is how younger Clarke refers to Lexa. So Alex isn’t another person, it’s Lexa. Oh and they were playing on a treehouse and imagining it was a spaceship. I tried to tie in the star stickers into the old memory. To clear things up a flashback will have ~ above it. A nightmare like dream won’t but it will be bolded.


	5. Chapter 5

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

******** = pov (point of view) change

********

“Goodnight.”

I hear the click of Clarke’s door as she closes it. 

_ At least she responded. _

I can hear Clarke talking to the turtle in her room. Just the thought brings a smile to my face.

 

**(Memory)**

**~**

**“Hello cutie”, Clarke crouches by the cage. “What’s your name?”**

**“You know animals can’t talk, right?”, I stand behind her.**

**“I know that”, Clarke stands up. “But what if they can? Maybe we just aren’t as smart as we think we are.”**

**“You’re weird.”**

**“And you’re my friend”, she smiles at me.**

**“I know, so if animals can ‘talk’ then what is that monkey saying?”, I point to a baby monkey.**

**“Hmm… I’m tired and want to sleep.”**

**“And that one?”, I point to a zebra.**

**“Am I black or white? Maybe I’m a horse in a prison suit.”**

**I look at Clarke. She sticks her tongue out at me. Laughing I put my hand on her head. “You’re one weird duck.”**

**“Hey”, she grabs my hand. “I told you stop calling me that.”**

**“But you’re my duck”, I take her hand. “Quack.”**

**“Then you get to be my rabbit”, Clarke’s smile drops. Her face goes serious.**

**“Why a rabbit?”**

**“Have you ever seen Looney Tunes?.”**

**“No”, I take her pinky with mine. “I’ll be your rabbit.”**

**~**

**(End of memory)**

 

I wish I could go back, back to being the rabbit and duck. Back before this whole mess started. 

_ Why did I leave her at the station? She begged to come with me. _

Shaking my head I burrow into the pillow. “What have I done?”, I close my eyes.

 

**(Beginning of nightmare *or dream*)**

**Having enough of the yelling in the house, I decide to leave. As soon as I do I’m met the usual darkness. Street lights illuminate the sidewalk but they also shine on the faces of those after me. My inner demons. I pull my hood over my head in hopes of blocking them out. The first step on the sidewalk feels like I’m going deeper into hell. When I look behind me, the house is gone. The sidewalk continues from behind me.**

**_Do I really want to turn around?_ **

**Hands pulls on my clothes as I walk. All of them trying to drag me away from the sidewalk. I have to stop walking when the path splits into two different paths. Each has a sign saying “welcome to hell”. Stepping forward I see a cliff. The bottom is a black empty pit. Rustling in the distance has me trying to see who’s running the distance. All the light shines on the person revealing Clarke. She’s running from something.**

**“Clarke!” I try to warn her of the cliff. Clarke goes falling down the empty pit.**

**Crawling to the edge, I peek down. Someone pushes me from behind sending me down the pit. The wind is knocked out of me as I fall onto cold ice. Looking down I see Clarke. She seems to be in a trance as she looks at a glowing red hand. I start hitting the ice.**

**“Clarke!”**

**The ice breaks to reveal a hole. Putting my hand in the water I reach out to Clarke.**

**“Trust me.”**

**Running through the woods I see green eyes. They follow me everywhere. I try to run towards the light but a big shadow drowns everything out.**

**“Clarke!”, someone screams my name in the distance.**

**(End of nightmare)**

 

Bolting up right I look around in panic. I’m still on the couch, everything where it was before I went to sleep. 

_ What was up with that dream? _

I grab my phone off the coffee table. My alarm is about to go off but I turn it off. I look at my background. Clarke stands by me, her arm around my shoulder. We both hold up a chinese fan. Our colorful yukatas neatly placed on us. The fireworks in the background make the picture seem like a fantasy. A fantasy I wish I was living in.

I hear a door open and close. Clarke walks to the side of the couch and puts on her school shoes. Her uniform makes her look young again. My eyes go from her golden hair to her eyes then down her neck. Clarke turns around.

_ Dammit, I was so close. _

Lexa you perv! I stand up and take the uniform off the coffee table. Turning away from Clarke I quickly change into the uniform. I look down at the skirt. 

“I hate skirts”, I mumble the words.

********

Looking in the mirror I decide I’m ok for school. Lexa stands behind me grumbling about the school uniform. Neither of us say anything to each other. It’s not an awkward silence or one of those “I’m not talking to you so you don’t talk to me, bitch” situations. It’s more like “I don’t know this person so I’m gonna stay quiet and do my own thing” like situation. Grabbing my phone I head towards the exit. Before I leave I notice her phone, face up on the coffee table. I can’t make out the picture but it seems familiar.

“I’ll be leaving first”, I politely wave to Lexa.

She nods to show she heard. 

_ Why am I disappointed? _

Shaking the feeling away, I head down the stairs. I made sure to wear shorts under my skirt. There are some pervs nowadays.

“You good?”

“Raven!”, I smack her shoulder. “I’m putting a bell on you.”

Raven smiles at me. “Seriously, are you ok?”

“Yeah”, I continue walking. “Ready for school?”

“Not really, I mean I know it hasn’t even started but…” Raven looks down.

“Imagine all the girls you’ll meet.”

Raven shrugs, “I guess.”

_ Maybe I shouldn’t have said that… _

“When was the last time you talked to your ex?”

Raven looks at me. “Who?”

“Anya, the woman you broke up with last week.”

“Oh… yeah um… we don’t talk anymore.”

“That’s expected, but did you settle everything?”

Raven shrugs. “Yeah, sorta.”

“That’s nice”, I stop in front of the school building. Students flood in, all of them laughing with each other. 

Raven nudges me. “I already see hot women.”

********

“Alexandria Woods”, the teacher looks at me.

Everyone in class looks at me, no one says or does anything.

“You’re late.”

“I know”, I walk to my seat.

“Care to explain why”, the teacher sets her clipboard down.

“I was…”

 

(A few minutes earlier)

“What do you mean you’re breaking up with me?!”

I stop in my tracks as I hear couple arguing. 

“Stop! Let me go!”

_ It’s none of my business, just keep walking. _

There’s a cry of pain.

_ Dammit. _

I walk towards them. “What’s going on?”

“Get out of here nosey!”, the man glares at me.

I look at the woman. She’s looking at the man. Fear screams off her face.

“I don’t think she wants to be near you.”

“We’re dating, don’t be silly.”

“Listen, I have things to do, so why don’t you let the girl go and everything will be ok.”

“Is that a threat?”, the man smiles at me.

“Depends on how you take it.”

He lets the woman go. Cracking his knuckles he steps closer to me. “Bring it on.”

(present moment)

 

“...tired?”

“Whatever, sit down.”

“Yes ma’am”, I sit in my seat. I notice Luna looking at me. I look at her and mouth “what”. 

Luna glances at the teacher before mouthing back. “What really happened?”

I shake my head and look back at the front of the class. I know she doesn’t like me hiding things but some things she doesn’t need to know. When class is over I leave before Luna has the chance to catch me.

“Hey Clarke”, I move so I’m standing by the blonde.

She doesn’t acknowledge my presence. Instead she speeds up. It’s easy to keep by her side when my natural steps are twice her natural steps.

“What are you doing after school?”

Clarke doesn’t respond.    
“That must mean nothing, do you think we can go and eat something?”

“No.”

“So you were listening”, I smile.

Clarke shakes her head and walks into a class. I almost follow her in but realize that’s not my class. 

_ I’ll have to catch her later. _

Someone grabs me by the back of my shirt. They tug me into a closet.

“Start talking Woods”, Luna glares at me, her arms crossed.

“Fine, fine.”


	6. Chapter 6

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

******** = pov (point of view) change

********

The last bell finally rings. Everyone quickly files out of the room, all of them desperate to get out of the building.

_ Most of them are probably gonna have s- _

“Mrs. Griffin?”

I look at Mr. Jack. “Yes?”

“I know it’s the first day of school, and everyone has this look but you seem… haunted.”

Rubbing my eyes I smile at him. “I assure you that I’m fine.”

He nods. “Good… have a great day.”

“You too”, I leave his math class. I don’t really have anything to do and I don’t want to head back to my dorm room. 

_ What to do, what to do. _

My eyes land on Raven. She’s talking to a woman with royal blue hair. 

_ Why is that woman so familiar? _

I decide to leave Raven alone. I look around for a good place to sit and draw. A tree catches my attention. Walking over I sit down under the shade.

********

_ Late on my first day! _

I angrily throw a rock. It makes a dent in someone’s car. Shaking my head I sit under a tree. I bring my knees to my chest as I stare up at the sky. Everything seems to get blocked out as peacefulness settles over me.

“That won’t do”, someone mumbles from around the tree.

I decide not to say anything. I guess we’re both trying to find somewhere peaceful.

“Dammit Clarke!”

Smiling I say, “what’s up doc?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short


	7. Chapter 7

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

******** = pov (point of view) change

********

“What’s up doc?”

I freeze at the catchphrase. Anger floods into me as I realize who it is. “What do you want?”

“You came to me sweetheart.”

“I sat under a tree.”

“Which happened to be the tree I was at” green eyes appear in my vision. “What has you so mad?”

“You”, I glare at Lexa.

“You were cursing before you knew I was here”, Lexa crawls over to me. “Show me, I might be able to help.”

“Pfft, don’t be ridiculous.”

Lexa tilts her head. “I helped in the past.”

I close my sketchbook. “Just forget it”, I stand up.

Lexa looks up at me. “Since you’re not doing anything do you think we c-”

“Clarke!”, Raven runs up to me. “Oh… were you guys talking?”

“No”, I quickly answer before Lexa. “What do you need?”

Lexa glares at Raven but doesn’t say anything. I can tell she has a lot of questions, most of them for me. 

“I was hoping we could get something to eat, I’m starving.”

“I’m surprised your fit”, I smile at her.

“I can say the same for you, you don’t work out yet you have a great body”, Raven eyes me. “Though you’re a little flat.”

“Raven!”, I smack her shoulder.

“Sorry, sorry”, Raven looks at Lexa. “Hey, do you wanna come?”

Lexa opens her mouth to say something. Thinking quick I cover her mouth. “No, she doesn’t”, I glare at Raven.

“Riiight”, Raven nods. “Well then let’s go.”

When Raven is far enough that she won’t hear I take my hand off. “Listen”, I look at Lexa. “We”, I motion between us. “Are no longer friends, so stop trying.”

Lexa doesn’t do anything. Her eyes make it hard to read her.

_ She’s blocking me out. _

“Good… see you later, I guess”, I start walking to Raven.

“It’s only been a day”, I look up at Clarke.

“You can learn a lot in one day.”

********

I watch Clarke walk off college grounds. She seems so nice with Raven. As I watch them walk away I remember walking hand in hand with Clarke. We were so young and innocent.

_ Why did I leave her? _

“That was harsh”, Luna walks over to me.

“What?”

“She just rejected you, put you down a hole and left you.”

“It’s not the first time.”

“Actually”, Luna puts her hand on my head. “You left her”, she looks down at me. “What goes around, comes around.”

“Whose side are you on?”, I push her hand off.

“There are no sides, I just think there’s room for improvement on both ‘sides’.”

“Who are you to give relationship advice?”, I glare at her. “Last time I checked you cheated on your ex for someone with more money.”

“Hey, I like money.”

“Hoe”, I smile to let her know I’m kidding.

Luna sits by me. “So what are you gonna do about Clarke?”

“If only I knew.”

********

“You two are back”, Murphy smiles at us.

“Yep”, Raven sits at the front counter. She pats a seat by her for me to sit on.

I sit by Raven then look at Murphy. “Any specials?”

“Nope, not today.”

“Then I’ll have the usual.”

“And you little bird?”

Raven shrugs. “Usual, I guess.”

“Coming right up”, Murphy disappears into the kitchen.

When our stuff comes, I notice Raven is unusually quiet. She seems lost in thought. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Mom’s gotten worse”, Raven glances at me.

I don’t say anything. 

“The doctors are putting her on a pill and upping radiation”, Raven pushes her donut away. “But she has to pay more, dad is having trouble with the money.”

“How’s your brother?”

“Still blocking the world out… Mike’s death killed Juan”, Raven puts her forehead on the counter. “I shouldn’t have gone to college, my parents paid the money and now they can’t take care of mom.”

“Don’t blame yourself”, I rub her back. “It gets you nowhere.”


	8. Chapter 8

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

******** = pov (point of view) change

August 24th, 2055

_ I haven’t had much interaction with Lexa. I’m not avoiding her, it’s more like she’s avoiding me. We’ll run into each other in the halls sometimes or at the dorm but other than that, it’s like we’re strangers. _

“Mrs. Griffin!”, Mrs. Roper slams rolled up paper onto my desk. “Pay attention.”

“Sorry”, I glance at her. 

When Mrs. Roper has her back to us, Raven nudges me. “Daydreaming?”

“Lost in thought”, I whisper.

“About?”

“This and that.”

“I can hear you two”, Mrs. Roper glares at us.

“Sorry, Mrs. Roper”, Raven and I talk at the same time.

When the bell rings I’m one of the first to leave the class. I try to blend in with the crowd of students. I just want to get to my next class. Eventually the halls are almost empty. I look down at my phone as I walk. Not paying attention I walk right into someone, a few of my things fall to the floor.

I look at the person. “Sorry”, I apologize to them.

Lexa starts picking my things up. “Where are you off to?”

“English”, I’m handed my things.

“You shouldn’t play on your phone in the halls”, Lexa glances at my phone. “Not everyone is as nice as me.” Lexa walks past me. I watch the brunette walk away. As soon as Lexa steps into a class, the bell goes off.

_ Great, I’m late. _

“Why are you still out in the halls?”, a teacher walks up to me.

I look at her.

“Hall pass?”

“Don’t have one.”

“Come with me”, she motions me to her with a finger.

_ Double great. _

“Actually”, someone speaks up behind me.

********

“You shouldn’t play on your phone in the halls”, I walk past Clarke.. I know the bell is going to ring so I quickly head to my class. 

_ I already have bad attendance. _

When I do, the bell goes off. I look out the window door and see Clarke talking to a teacher.

_ She must have gotten in trouble. _

“What’s wrong Mrs. Wood?”, Mr. Croft looks at me.

“Can I use the hall pass? I’m not feeling so well.”

He nods. I take the ruler and leave the class. “Actually”, I walk over to Clarke and the teacher. “She was waiting for me, I had to go back and get the hall pass.”

The teacher eyes me before nodding. I watch her walk away before looking at Clarke.

“Why?”

“I think you mean thank you”, I walk around her. “Let’s get to your class.”

It’s mostly silent as Clarke and I walk. Her class is on the other side of the building so we’re walking for quite some time. When we get there I head into the class with lexa.

“Nice of you to show up”, Jeromy glares at Clarke.

“You’re not the teacher so fuck off”, Clarke covers her mouth.

I smile, “You heard her, now where’s the teacher?”

“He left to find Clarke”, Poppy looks at us. “Why are you here?”, she looks at me.

“Clarke was helping me with something so the least I could do was walk her to her class.”

“I’ll tell the teacher that”, Raven stands up. She grabs Clarke’s wrist and pulls her away from me.

I eye her for a second before nodding. “Ok, thanks”, I turn to leave the class.

“Thank you Lexa.”

I look at Clarke. “It’s a one time thing”, I leave the class.

********

Stepping outside of the school, I’m hit with a cold gust of wind. I pull out my hands and breathe on them. 

“It’s normally not this cold”, Lexa appears by my side. 

I nod but don’t say anything. 

“Here”, she holds out her hands.

I eye her hands. “What?”

“Put your hands in mine, it’ll warm them up.”

“No thanks.”

“I don’t bite”, she smiles at me.

“Fine but… it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Never said it did.”

I put my hands in hers. She closes her hands around mine and brings them up to her mouth. I watch as she breathes hot air on them. People look at us as they walk by. I hear some of the things they whisper.

“Are they a couple?”

“Are they lesbian?”

“I didn’t think those were real.”

“Gross.”

“I’m gonna barf.”   
“They’re not going to heaven.”

Lexa doesn’t seem to care about any of it but I can’t help feeling bad. I wanna curl up and die.

“Ignore them”, Lexa looks me right in the eyes.

“Why are you here?”

“Meh… I just felt like you owe me one”, she takes her gloves off and put them on me. “Take me to the Cafe to make up for it.”

“I hope you know we’re not friends.”

“But this could be a start”, she lightly nudges me.

Shaking my head I start walking. “I am in the mood for hot chocolate so let’s go.”

“Yes ma’am”, Lexa catches up to me.


	9. Note

I am so sorry that I didn't add another chapter in over a week. I will put up a chapter as soon as possible tomorrow. I have a babysitting thing tomorrow around 8 in the morning and get back at 5 in the afternoon. As soon as I am back I WILL write another chapter. Thank you for being patient and not exploding on me in the comments.


	10. Chapter 10

******** = pov (point of view) change

This = someone's thoughts

Hugging myself I let out a deep sigh. I watch as the breath I released slowly disappears to nothing. 

_ It- _

“It’s getting cold, huh?”

I look to my right to see Lexa. She smiles at me.

“I guess”, I hide my nose under my jacket. 

“It’s normally not this cold in Cali”, Lexa watches someone walk by us, her eyes watching longer than needed.

Walking around her I see a look in her eyes. One I’ve never seen. One I don’t want to see again.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing”, Lexa starts walking again. “Let’s get to the Cafe.”

_ She seems… colder. _

Shaking my head I force a laugh.

_ Winter weather is getting to her. _

********

“Raven.”

Turning around I see Luna. She waves and smiles at me.

“Hi, what brings you here?”

“I was hoping you knew where Lexa was.”

“I’m sorry”, I shake my head. “I haven’t seen her, I was actually looking for Clarke.”

Luna doesn’t respond. Her eyes seem to go to another dimension, her whole body going stiff. I see her hands fist as they start shaking. 

“You ok?”, I reach out to her.

She flinches away from me. “I… I have to go. See you tomorrow.”

She’s gone before I can say anything. 

_ That was weird. _

“Senpai! Senpai!”

Turning around I see Yuu. “What’s wrong with you, I told you to stop calling me that.”

“Sorry, it’s habit.”

“What do you need?”

“Can you help me with my homework?”

********

Looking up I look at Lexa. She’s dead silent as she scrolls through her phone. Shaking my head I stand up.

“It was nice getting a drink with you but”, I lay cash on the table. “I have to go.”

Lexa looks up at me. “Aww, why?”

“Don’t act all sad”, I put my jacket on. “We weren’t even talking. See you tomorrow.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I wrote out about 6 or 7 more chapters out on google docs. I noticed they got shorter and shorter so I apologize in advance.


	11. Chapter 11

******** = pov (point of view) change

 _This_ = someone's thoughts

 

Once I step outside, the cold air seems to hug me. A shiver runs through my body. 

“There you are”, Raven walks over to me, a smile on her face. “What were you doing?”

“Nothing”, I look at her. 

“Are you sure?”, she peeks around me. “Did you get some food?”

I shrug. “Nope, just a drink.”

She eyes me for a second before nodding. “Riiiight.”

“What do you want?”

“Octavia is having a party… Oh and have you seen Lexa? Luna is looking for her.”

I carelessly point behind me. “In there, she’s sitting at a booth in the far right corner.”

“Were you meeting with her?”

I start walking not bothering to answer Raven’s question.

“Clarke! Don’t shut me out!”

“I’m not”, I wave at a taxi.

“Then answer me.”

“I’ll see you at the school”, I get in the Taxi.

“Your friend coming?”, the driver glances at Raven.

“She’s an athlete who rather walk.”

He nods and drives off. 

********

Sighing I turn and head into the Cafe. Once I do I run into Lexa.

“Raven”, she nods at me.

“Hey”, I catch her hand. “What were you doing with Clarke?”

“Just getting a drink”, Lexa glances at my hand. “Let me go before I break your hand.”

_ No touching. _

“Right… sorry about that”, I take my hand off.

Lexa sighs and straightens her hair. “You have questions.”

“A lot.”

“Ok let me answer a few.”

I open my mouth but she puts her straw in before I can speak.

“No talking”, she turns and leaves the Cafe. I follow quick enough to hear her start talking. “Right, there’s nothing between Clarke and I, I don’t like your friend, she doesn’t like me, don’t try to intervene,” Lexa faces me and takes her cup.

I don’t say anything as she takes a long sip from it. When she stops, she looks me straight in the eyes. Neither of us saying anything.

“Great, no questions”, she turns and walks away.

_ But I had so much more. _


	12. Chapter 12

******** = pov (point of view) change

 _This_ = someone's thoughts

August 26th, 2055

“Missed you at the party”, I sit down by Clarke. 

“Sorry about that.”

“No problem”, I eye her. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing much, dad and mom are divorcing.”

“That must suck.”

“It’s fine.”

********

“Hey”, a stack of books slam onto my desk. 

I look up to see a certain brunette. “I’m not in the mood.”

“For what?”, the lollipop lightly hangs from her mouth.

“To talk to you”, I glare up at her. “Just leave me alone, we’re not friends.”

“That’s funny”, Lexa cross her arms on the books. “Then why did we have sex last night?”

All heads turn to us.

“Wha- we… no… who”, I try to explain myself.

Lexa casually rests her head in the palm of her hand. She takes the sucker out with a pop. “You done?”

“What do you want?”, I growl the words in a whisper.

“You”, Lexa flips open a book. “Are gonna help me study.”

“Ha! Don’t make me laugh”, I stand up. “Why would I help you?”

“Don’t know”, Lexa shrugs. 

“Great, then I’ll be leaving”, I walk around the brunette.

“I mean… I could just annoy you beyond belief, change my schedule to match yours.”

_ I can feel her eyes on me. _

“We could basically be attached at the hip.”

“Why?”, I turn and face her. “Why do this?”

“Like I said”, Lexa walks towards me. “I’m not giving up on you.”

“Do you love me or something?”

“Don’t be ridiculous”, Lexa takes the sucker between two fingers. “You’re fun to mess with”, she pushes the sucker into my mouth. “See you after school.”

(After school)

_ How did I get here? This is like highschool… again. _

“You’re here”, Lexa smiles at me.

I sit across from her. “I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.”

“Neither can I.”

“Well let’s study”, I take a book.

********

I peek through the library window. Clarke glares at Lexa while Lexa leans back in a chair laughing.

“I can’t believe she actually did it.”

I cover my mouth to stop a scream. “What are you doing here?”

“I followed you”, Luna smiles at me. “You always seem near Clarke.”

“I can say that same about you and Lexa.”

“I wouldn’t say that”, Luna’s smile drops. She eyes me before speaking. “Why do you care so much about Clarke?”

“What kind of question is that? I care for the blonde, she’s like a sister.”

Luna nods. “Ok… well good luck.”

“With?”

“I think you know”, Luna flashes a smile before walking away.

_ Know what? That woman is crazy. _

When I look back through the window I meet eyes with Lexa. A smirk spreads across her face. She waves at me.

_ That bitch! _


	13. Chapter 13

******** = pov (point of view) change

 _This_ = someone's thoughts

********

“Are you paying attention?”, I look at Lexa.

She smiles and looks at me. “Of course.”

“No you’re not”, I stand up.

“Were are you off to?”

“Why help someone who doesn’t care?”, I gather my stuff.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Don’t count on it.”

Lexa grabs my wrist. “Do you actually hate me or are you forcing yourself to?”

I look at her. 

 

**(Prepare for a long thought)**

 

_ Do I actually hate you? The obvious answer is yes but is it? I mean… there was a time when I would do anything to stick by your side. When we were on the same lever and were in sync. Now it’s like I’m a million miles behind me. Like… we never met. So how do I feel about the brunette? I wish I knew. _

 

**(I guess it wasn’t that long)**

 

“I hated you when you let those doors close”, I pull my wrist away. “When you left me.”

Lexa leans back. “Figured”, she crosses her legs on the table.

Anger surges through me.

“How can you be so careless!”

Lexa raises her eyesbrows. “About?”

“One minute you’re like a dog chasing me then you’re like ‘whatever’. It’s so hard to figure you out!”

“Does that make you mad?”

“Of course it does!”, I put my backpack on.

Lexa smiles at me. 

“Goodbye”, I quickly leave the library. I know I shouldn’t but I look over my shoulder. When I do I see Lexa talking to someone. Just by her body motions I can tell she’s flirting.

_ Why is she so confusing? _


	14. Chapter 14

******** = pov (point of view) change

 _This_ = someone's thoughts

August 27th, 2055

Sitting down I open my diary. I read the last thing I wrote before blankly staring out the window. Shaking my head I look back at the book. My hands start writing.

 

“ _ Let’s be honest, I have no idea what to write. I know a diary is something you’re supposed to share your thoughts but… do I have any? Well of course I do but not of any that matter. Anyways, I still live with Lexa. We don’t talk… that often. She’s rarely here, I bet she’s fucking a teacher or something. She’s changed though. Not over the years but there’s this sudden click recently. Recently everything she does pisses m-” _

 

“Clarke”, someone knocks on the door.

“One minute”, I quickly put away my diary. “Come in.”

Raven walks into the room. “What’re you doing?”

“Nothing, you?”

“I figured we could go see a movie later…”

“Sure, tell me the time and I’ll meet you there.”

Once Raven leaves I feel my whole body relax. I reach into my desk and take out the diary. 

“Why did I hide you?”

“I would like to know that myself.”

********

“Ok, I invited Clarke. Did you invite Lexa?”

“I tried”, Luna looks up at me. “But she said no.”

“Great”, I roll my eyes. 

“Tell Clarke to ask Lexa.”

“She would never”, I look at Luna. “She hates that woman beyond belief.”

Luna doesn’t respond.

“Why are we trying to get them to hangout?”

“So they can fight whatever demons they have left.”

“Don’t they need to do that alone?”

“You’d think”, she walks around me.

“Where are you going?”, I catch up to her. 

“I figured we could do something”, she holds out a ticket. “Wanna go to the fair?”

********

“I would like to know myself”, I lean against the door.

Clarke doesn’t respond, instead she busies herself in her room.

“Just gonna ignore me?”

No response.

“Great, well I was hoping you could continue to help me study.”

“Nope.”

“Nope? What the hell does that mean?”, I walk over to her.

“It means no”, Clarke glances at me. “You should know that.”

“Fine”, I sit on her desk. “I’ll just have to annoy you for the rest of the day.”

Clarke looks at me. Anger errupting from her eyes. “I don’t know what your goal, or why you’re doing this but please stop”, she sets a few books down. “I don’t wanna be your friend, I don’t want anything to do with you… just leave me alone and stop trying.”

“What do you think I’m trying to do?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

I shrug and leans back on my hands. 

“There you go again!”, Clarke snaps at me.

“Now what’re you mad at?”

“Your careless behaviour!”

Lauhing I get off the desk. “You haven’t changed”, I head towards the exit. “You still expect the answers to be handed to you on a silver platter”, I look at the blonde over my shoulder. “Grow up and realize that you have to work for things. You’re not a kid anymore…. we’re not kids anymore.”

I head out of the room and leave the dorm. When I do I go through my contacts. 

_ What to do, what to do. _

Looking around I see Luna and Raven laughing together.

_ They seem to be hitting off together. _

Now that I think about it, everyone seems to be in a relationship.

_ Is it February or something? Is Cupid early? And why hasn’t he done anything to me? _

I look over my shoulder and at Clarke’s window. 

_ Or her? _

Sighing I shake my head. “God, I need to figure myself out.”


	15. Chapter 15

******** = pov (point of view) change

 _This_ = someone's thoughts

********

August 30th, 2055

(I don’t know if there’s 30 days in August, I think there are… 31, 28, 31, 30, 31, 30, 31, 31, 30, 31, 30, 31. Just a pattern I taught myself on the days of each month).

When I walk into the classroom, the first thing I notice is the quiet. Everyone seems to feel awkward. I head over to my seat. Looking at my desk I see a drawing scribbled all over it.

_ What the hell? _

When I look closer I see a subway (the train). A woman stands alone, her hair blowing. So the subway is driving? Looking closer I can see tears flying off her face. 

 

**(A flashback)**

**_“Oh Clarke, hi”, Jessica smiles at me._ **

**_“Hi… is Lexa home?”_ **

**_“You just missed her”, Jessica frowns. “Did she not tell you? She’s transferring schools.”_ **

**_“What?! When did she leave?”_ **

**_“An hour ago, she should be at the train station.”_ **

**_“Thank you!”, I run off._ **

Why Lexa? Just why? _ Please don’t be gone… please. _

**_I stop in the train station. My eyes scan everything and everyone. I see brown hair at a door, waiting, just waiting._ **

**_I push past people as I head towards the train. “Lexa!”_ **

**_I see the brunette look at me. When she catches my eyes, she looks away._ **

_ No, no, no, no. _

**_The train doors open. Reaching forward I grab her wrist._ **

**_“Don’t leave.”_ **

**_Lexa pulls her wrist away. “I’m sorry”, she steps onto the train._ **

**_Reaching out I pull her off._ **

**_“Stop it!”, she pulls away from me._ **

**_“Don’t leave me, I need you.”_ **

**_Lexa glares at me. Hatred is the only thing showing._ **

**_“At least let me come.”_ **

**_Lexa’s glare turns into amusement. A smile spreads across her face. She breaks out laughing. “God, you make me laugh.”_ **

**_I watch as she wipes tears off her face._ **

**_“Clarke, our whole relationship meant nothing. It was all a game to me”, she steps back and onto the train._ **

**_“Lexa”, the words come out in a whisper._ **

**_The doors close and the train starts moving. Lexa’s green eyes still seem to pierce into my soul. Her smile crushing everything, my feelings, happiness, everything._ **

 

**_(End of flashback)_ **

 

“You gonna move?”

I turn around to see Lexa. When I look at her, anger runs through my. My hands fist and unfist. My teeth grinding as I glare at her.

“Well?”

“You bitch!”, I push her back. 

“What the hell”, Lexa looks up at me.

I don’t know what comes over me but next thing I know I’m hitting the girl. When my senses come back I have tears streaming down my face. I grab onto the brunette’s shirt as the tears continue down my face. Lexa lies on the ground looking up at me. 

“I hate you”, my legs give out. I sit on top of Lexa. “I hate you!”, I scream at her.

Lexa doesn’t respond. I can’t tell what she’s thinking or feeling.

Bringing my hands to face, I cry into them. I feel a hand on the back of my head. It guides my head somewhere. My head rests against Lexa’s chest. The leftover tears make their way down my face. 

“Why?”

“Hmm”, Lexa looks down at me. 

“Why’d you draw the picture?”

“Do you think I can draw that good? It wasn’t me.”

I lean back and look up at her. “Oh god, I’m so sorry.”

“For?”

“I hit you for no reason.”

Lexa laughs. “I think you had a reason, anyways… you have to take me to the nurse.”

********

I watch Clarke and Lexa leave the room.

“Was that meant to happen?”, I look at Luna.

“Not in that way but… sure”, she pulls out wipes. “Help me clean this desk.”

“And destroy your art?”

“It doesn’t mean anything, now help me out.”

_ I hope this lady has a plan B or something… I already feel bad for making Clarke think about the past. Especially the one that haunts her the most. _

“It’s for the best.”

I look at Luna. 

“Trust me, the sooner they face it, the sooner something will happen.”

“What do you want to happen?”

Luna goes stiff. 

“Luna?”

“What are your feelings on Clarke?”, Luna looks at me.


	16. Chapter 16

******** = pov (point of view) change

 _This_ = someone's thoughts

********

“You can stop apologizing”, I look at Clarke.

“Uuuugh, why do I feel so bad?”

I smile. “Maybe you do care about me.”

“You wish”, Clarke light shoves my shoulder.

“Gah! Ow! What the hell!”

“I’m so sorry!”

“Just kidding”, I smile at Clarke.

Her face drops of all amusement. “I’m leaving.”

“Clarke, I was kidding.”

She heads towards the exit. 

“Don’t be mad at me.”

Clarke leaves the nurse’s room.

“Wait to go”, the nurse looks at me.

“It was a joke.”

She shakes her head but doesn’t say anything.

_ I finally got her to talk to me then I screw everything up. _

 

**(Another flashback of the night before today)**

**_“Who’s Clarke?”, Poppy mumbles from beside me._ **

**_“Who?”_ **

**_“Clarke, you called me her.”_ **

**_I look at the naked woman beside me. “Just an old friend.”_ **

**_“Hmmm, do you like her?”_ **

**_“Nope.”_ **

**_“Then why say her name during sex?”_ **

**_“Accidents happen.”_ **

**_“Not during sex… do you perhaps wish to get her in bed?”_ **

**_“Leave”, I glare at Poppy._ **

**_“It was just a question.”_ **

**_“You crossed the line, now leave.”_ **

**_“Think about it”, Poppy dresses then leaves._ **

 

**(End of flashback)**

 

_ What do I feel for her? I did enjoy the few minutes we just spent together. I wish we had more moments like that. And I was happy when I found she was my roommate. Oh my god! Do I lo- _

“Why so serious?”, Luna walks up to me.

“Huh?”

She smiles at me. “I brought Subway.”

“Uh… thanks.”

Luna nods and sits on the bed by me. “What were you thinking about?”

“Clarke”, the words come out before I can stop them.

“Is that all you think about?”, Luna glares at me.

“I’m just trying to figure things out.”

“You’re so blinded by her that you don’t notice what’s in front of you.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Forget it”, Luna bites into her sandwich. 

_ Why is everyone mad at me? _


	17. Chapter 17

******** = pov (point of view) change

 _This_ = someone's thoughts

********

“Clarke”, Luna stands in front of the nurse door. “Have you seen Lexa?”

I point behind me. Luna is quick to disappear into the room. 

_ Better get something for Lexa to drink. _

I head to the concession stand. I end up buying a bottle of water. I stop in front of the nurse room when I hear talking.

“...rke.”

“Is that all you think about?”

“I’m just tryign to figure things out.”

“You’re so blinded by her that you don’t notice what’s in front of you.”

“What the he-”

“Clarke!”, Raven runs up to me. “What are you doing?”

“N-nothing”, I step away from the door.

“Right, so are you not doing anything?”

“Not right now.”

“Great, you wanna go to the Cafe or something?”

“Uh… yeah”, I follow behind Raven. 

**_“You’re so blinded by her that you don’t notice what’s in front of you”_ **

_ What did Luna mean by that? _

“We’re here”, Raven snaps in front of my face. 

“Sorry”, I head into the Cafe. Once we’re sitting down I ask Raven a question. “What do you think someone means by ‘you don’t notice what’s in front of you’?”

Raven tilts her head. “Depends on the situation.”

“Ok… well let’s say a friend of yours was talking about someone and you say ‘you’re blinded by ‘that person’ that you don’t notice what’s in front of you’... what do you think they mean?”

“Oddly specific but”, Raven leans back. “I would say that person, me in this case, likes my friend… or wants to get closer to them.”

I look down at my drink.

_ Blinded… blinded by that person that you don’t notice what’s in front of you. What’s that mean? Blinded? _

 

**_When I look up I notice the Cafe is empty, dark. I look around for something, someone but no one appears. Outside seems like an everlasting darkness that won’t go away. I stand up and head outside the Cafe. I can barely see. Looking to my right I see a bright light that gets closer. Squinting I can see a figure. Long hair gently blowing, a smile on their face as they seem to talk to someone. The closer they get, the lighter everything around me gets. It’s like I finally found a flashlight to lead me through the tunnel._ **

 

“Clarke.”

I feel a hand on my shoulder that causes me turn around. Raven tilts her head. 

“Why are you outside?”

I don’t respond as I look for the light. 

 

**_The light stops walking. A smile still on their face. When I look back at Raven, she’s miles away. Her hand out, reaching for me. A tear slowly falling down her face as a desperate look crosses her face. The light laughs which seems to break everything. All the buildings go crashing down revealing a little girl… a little me. She runs towards the light when…_ **


	18. Chapter 18

******** = pov (point of view) change

 _This_ = someone's thoughts

**_…she stops. She looks at the light with horror on her face. Tears begin to stream down her face._ **

 

“Clarke”, Raven taps my shoulder. “You’re crying.”

I don’t respond as I feel like everything is falling… again. I watch as Lexa kisses a woman. When they break apart, Lexa has this look on her face. One that screams love. One that I’ve never seen. One that makes me feel weird, I don’t know this emotion but…

 

**_The little girl curls into herself. She lets out a bloody scream, everything around me disappears to the point it looks like the real world._ **

 

_ …I don’t know this emotion but I don’t like it. _

My hands fist at my side. 

_ Not one bit. _

“Clarke, are you ok?”

“Yes!”, I glare at Raven.

“Sorry.”

“Just…”, I look at Lexa only to meet eyes with her. Her eyes are impossible to read which angers me more. “Leave me alone”, I turn and walk away. 

I angrily kick at things as I walk. 

_ Why am I so mad?! _

I kick a rock. It goes flying. 

_ I shouldn’t care who she kisses, she’s just a stupid bitch! _

I stop walking.

_ But that kiss… _

I bring my fingers to my lips. They gently brush along my lips as my face heats up.

_ She looked like she enjoyed it. _

I bite on the tip of my thumbnail as a shiver runs through me.

_ What I would do to feel her li- Eww! Stop! _

I shake my head and keep walking. “What the hell was I thinking?”

********

“Did you know that woman?”, Anya runs her finger between my breasts.  

I look down at her. She blankly traces a scar on my arm.

“Yes”, I move so I’m sitting by her.

“She was crying… do you know what that was about?”

“How am I supposed to know?”, I look at the woman by me. “That woman and I no longer talk.”

“No longer?”, Anya sits up. 

“We were childhood friends but… but I broke her heart”, I look at a wall.

“You seem to regret it.”

“Of course I regret it”, I look back at Anya. “Who wouldn’t?”

Anya eyes me before smiling. “You care about her.”

“I did.”

“No”, she gently lowers me so I’m lying down. “Right now.”

“What makes you think that?”, I twirl some of her hair.

“Just now, when you were talking about her… your eyes seemed to get a light to them.”

“You’re imagining things.”

“Am I? Or are you refusing to see the obvious?”

I glare at her.

“Everytime you’re about to hit a peek, you say Clarke.”

“Stop.”

“You get tears in your eyes.”

“I said stop.”

“You’re eyes shine regret and love.”

“Shut up!”

“You love her.”

_ I love Clarke? _

“You’re crazy”, I force a smirk on my face.

“Now you’re gonna attempt to play cool but deep down”, Anya puts a finger on my chest. “You love her and you know it.”

“Of course I love her!”, I blurt the words before I can stop them. 

Anya laughs and climbs off me. “She’s your… your…”, Anya struggles with the next word.

“Hodnes”, I look down. “Clarke is my hodnes.”

Anya tilts her head. “What’s a hodnes?”

Laughing I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it.”


	19. Chapter 19

********* = pov (point of view) change

_This = someone's thouhts_

September 6th, 2055 (a monday)

********

“Clarke, are you ok?”

“Yes”, I say the words through clenched teeth.

“You’ve been radiating anger since… well for a long time.”

“Since?”, I look at her. “You were gonna say something.”

“SinceyousawLexakissthatwoman”, Raven says the words fast.

“I fucking hate Lexa!”, I snap my pencil.

“Clarke shh”, Raven looks around the class. 

Everyone is looking at us, everyone but Lexa.

_ Whatever. _

I stand up and leave the class. I stand in the halls trying to calm down. 

“Clarke.”

“What do you want?”, I glare at Lexa. 

“Not anything but to talk.”

I look down at my feet. 

“I know you saw me kis-”

“Can we not talk about that”, I look at Lexa. “Please?”

“It’s not good to push things down becuase they’re destined to erupt but… ok”, Lexa leans against the wall. “I wanted to ask if you would see a movie with me.”

“I can’t.”

“I know you hate my guts but please?”

“No, it’s not because of that but… I already have plans.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I’m seeing a movie with Raven.”

“I thought Raven was going with Luna.”

I shrug. “Guess I’m a third wheel… that’s gonna suck.”

Lexa bites her lip before speaking up. “Not if I go.”


	20. Chapter 20

******** = pov (point of view) change

 _This_ = someone's thoughts

********

“Not if I go.”

Clarke’s eyes widen. “Really? You’ll go?”, she grabs my arm.

“Yeah, I don’t want you to feel left out.”

_Great excuse._

Clarke takes her hand away. “This doesn’t change anything”, she puts her anger back on.

“I expected as much”, I smile at her.

“Hmph”, she looks away, her nose in the air.

_Is this all an act? What if she actually likes me?_

I smile at the thought but that smile quickly turns into a frown.

_Oh stop! You know she doesn’t, don’t get ahead of yourself._

“Then… I’ll see you after school?”

“Duh”, Clarke looks at me.

“Great”, I head back into the classroom.

********

“Would you stop moving?”, Raven glares at me.

I go up and down on the tip of my toes. “I can’t help it, I’m excited.”

“To see Lexa?”, Raven looks around.

“What?! No!”

“Suuure”, Raven lightly nudges me.

“I heard Toy Story 4 is good.”

“Whatever makes you sleep at night”, Raven smiles at me.

“So… what’s the relationship between you and Luna?”

“Don’t know.”

“Ooooh Raven!”, Luna runs up to us.

Raven hugs her. “But I think I like her.”

_How long have they known each other?_

I look past Luna for Lexa. I feel my spirit drop when I don’t see her.

_Guess I’m a third wheel._

“Why the sad face?”

Turning around I see Lexa.

“Caramel sucker?”, she holds out a sucker.

I take the sucker. “When’d you get here?”

Lexa shrugs. “Just now.”

I glare at her.

“What?”

I don’t answer as I take a lick of the sucker.

“Fine, I went to get you a sucker.”

_Is she blushing?_

I smile.

_So cuuute!!!_

“Hey lovebirds”, Luna speaks up from behind me. “You guys coming or what?”

Once we’re all settled in I feel the need to go to the bathroom. The theaters are dark as the movie plays.

“Lexa”, I whisper the brunette’s name.

“Hmm.”

“Can…”, I look around before leaning in. “Can you go to the bathroom with me?”

Lexa looks at me. “Now’s not the time.”

“What… what does that mean?”

Lexa’s face shines bright red even in the darkness. “Sorry, sorry… wrong thoughts.”

I tilt my head as I try to figure it out.

“Just forget about it”, Lexa stands up. “C’mon.”

I reach out and take her hand. Lexa looks at me, shock on her face. I stand up.

“You going?”

“Right”, Lexa leaves the theater room.

We head towards the bathroom when someone talks to us.

“You two better not make a big mess”, a goth employee glares at us. “I already had to clean up some lesbian’s couple underwear.”

“Us?”, I point to me. “W-we’re not together.”

The employee blows her bangs out of her eyes. “Sure.”

“We’re not”, I let go of Lexa’s hand. My hand seems rather cold without the contact.

The employee smiles and shrugs. “For now.”

“Let’s go”, Lexa grabs my hands and leads me to the bathroom.

“Cover your ears”, I walk into a stall.

“It’s not like I haven’t heard you pee before.”  
“Still”, I sit down. “Cover your ears.”

There’s no response.

“Your ears covered?”

I don’t hear a response.

_Must be._

When I stand up I notice the faint outline of blood.

_Great, just what I needed._

“Lexa? You still there?”

There’s no response, again.

“Lexa!”, I scream her name.

“Huh? What’s wrong?”

“I…”, I open the door a crack. “I started my period.”

“Right now?”, Lexa tries to peek in.

“Don’t come in!”

“What? Why?”

“I… I don’t have pants on.”

Lexa sighs. “I didn’t bring anything… I’ll head to the store. You wait here”, Lexa turns to leave.

I open the stall and grab her hand. “Don’t leave me here.”

********

“Where are those two?”, I look around the theater.

“Don’t know”, Luna takes out her phone. “Lexa texted.”

“Well?”

“She said she has to get some stuff.”

_What are those two doing?_

********

“I could’ve walked”, I hold onto Lexa’s shoulder.

“Blood comes out at any movement.”

“Your shirt is gonna be stained… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it, I’ll get a jacket to cover it. Meanwhile we’ll have to get you new underwear and pants.”

“Right…”

********

“Pants”, Clarke’s hand reaches over the dressing room stall.

I hand her the pants. “You dressed?”

“Just about.”

After a few seconds the door opens.

“Did we have to get shorts?”

“Sorry”, I walk around her. “I think you look good.”

Clarke starts laughing.

“What?”

“Just this whole situation, having to leave a movie to help me out.”

I smile. “I’ve missed this”, I mumble the words.

“Missed what?”

I point at her then me. “Us.”

Clarke shrugs. “Things change.”

“They do”, I think for a change of subject. “Do… do you have plans on the 10th?”

Clarke shakes her head. She crouches down and starts putting on her shoes. “Why?”

“I was thinking… maybe… maybe we could do something.”

Clarke looks at me, a smile on her face. “I would like that.”

I look down to hide a blush. “Then… then it’s…”

“A date?”

I nod. “Do you still have my number?”

“Yep.”

“You didn’t delete it?”

“Nope.”

“Why?”

“Not every question has an answer.”


	21. Chapter 21

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

“Where were you two?”, Raven glares at Lexa and I, her arms crossed.

“We had things to handle”, Lexa shrugs. She meets eyes with Luna. I expect a smile to appear on Lexa’s face but it doesn’t show up. Instead she tenses up.

_ Did something happen? _

Raven also seems to notice. “Clarke… let’s get something to eat.”

“What about-”

“Now”, Raven looks me in the eyes. “They’ll meet us later.”

I nod and follow after Raven.

********

I watch Clarke walk away.

_ She noticed. _

“I was finally getting somewhere”, I look at Luna. “Then you had to ruin it.”

Luna doesn’t respond.

I look down at her hands. They slightly shake. When I look back at her face, I see tears. 

“Why?”, Luna grabs onto her shirt. “Why won’t you look at me?”

“Is that not what I’m doing right now?”

“Not like that!”, Luna steps forward. “You know what I mean.”

_ Why’d she glance in the direction Clarke and Raven went? _

I tilt my head, “do I?”

“You’re playing with my feelings… you’ve always known how I felt.”

I don’t say anything. I know she has more to say.

“But all you look at is that stupid blonde. Didn’t you leave her behind for a reason?”

_ Another glance. _

“I did, but that reason was wrong.”

“You did it for a reason! You left her! I tried to get closer, I did everything for you but I get nothing but… but that blonde smiles and you drop everything for her.”

_ Three glances already. _

I smile. “Are you jealous?”

“Of course I’m jealous!”, Luna looks me in the eyes. “Why are you smiling?”

“I don’t think you’re jealous of Clarke getting close to me.”

“What?”

“You’re mad at me, you don’t love me.”

“What? I do!”

“No, you don’t. You love Raven. You’re mad because I’m not dating Clarke.”

“What does dating Clarke have to do this?”

“If I dated Clarke then she would get closer to me and farther from Raven”, I step towards her. “And Raven gets sad, jealous, and mad when Clarke hangs with someone else.”

Luna’s eyes go wide.

“Then when Raven is feeling like that you’ll step in and be a knight”, I put my finger on her chest. “You. Are. Mad”, I push her back with my finger.

Luna looks down. I can see her emotions going through her eyes as she thinks.

“Now if you’ll excuse me”, I walk around her. “I have a blonde to find.”

“What do I do?”

“About?”, I look over my shoulder.

“Raven.”

“Well first you gotta you figure out your feelings.”

“Did you do that?”

“Took someone getting me mad to realize my feelings. I can’t tell you how you feel about Raven, only you can.”

“B-but… you can help me.”

Laughing I start walking. “I can’t even talk to Clarke without her getting mad at me 5 minutes later.”

“But yet you guys seem to be ok when I see you or you meet up again.”

“I can’t stay mad at Clarke and Clarke… she may act mad but… she can’t stay mad at me”, I put my hands in my pockets. “You and Raven seem to be on a good page. I can help by trying to figure out Raven’s feeling but… don’t be disappointed if she doesn’t like you.”

********

“Where did you go?”, Raven looks at me.

“I… something came up.”

“Would you just tell me?!”

“I started my period and didn’t have anything.”

“Right, you and Lexa seem close.”

“Not really, I mean she helped me out which was nice.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“You know what I mean.”

I tilt my head. “I don’t get it.”

“We’ve been friends for almost 2 decades, I know you.”

“Well… I’ve been running into her more and more. I wanna get mad but I can’t.”

“And that kiss?”

“I felt angry when I saw her kiss someone, I don’t know why… I don’t wanna know why.”

Raven leans back in her seat.

“We’re going to do something on the 10th so you don’t have to plan anything.”   
“But we spend our birthdays together.”

“Just this once”, I look down at my hands. 

“You’re blushing.”

I look up at Raven. “Sorry.”

“You like Lexa.”


	22. Chapter 22

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

********

Clarke looks at her hands. A light blush on her face.

“You’re blushing.”

Clarke looks at me. “Sorry.”

_ Why is she apologizing. Better yet, why is she blushing? Or was blushing. _

“You like Lexa.”

Clarke’s eyes go wide before she starts laughing. “You’re funny.”

“I’m not joking.”

“You really think I like Lexa?”

I nod.

“Sure, I get along with her sometimes but liking her, no way.”

“Then why would you spend your birthday with her? Why let her help you out instead of calling me? Why let her come to the theaters with us?”

“She asked and it felt wrong to reject her, I didn’t want to force you to leave the theater, and… and I didn’t want to be the third wheel.”

********

“...I didn’t want to be the third wheel”, I look Raven in the eyes. I notice her searching my eyes.

 

**(Flashback)**

 

**_“Why does mom have to be so mean?”, I sit on my bed._ **

**_Dad sits by me. “It’s your fault.”_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“I didn’t mean to break the vase.”_ **

**_“Not about that… you’re the one that showed too emotion. Then you tried to lie.”_ **

**_“I don’t know how to lie very well.”_ **

**_“Well, eyes are the key. If you can manage a poker face or block people off then you’ll be good.”_ **

 

**(End of flashback)**

 

_ She’s trying to find an answer. _

Raven looks away with a sigh. “Fine, don’t tell me.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

“Call me when you want to tell me what’s going on. The truth”, Raven stands up. “Until then I don’t want to see you.”

September 7th, 2055

Lunch shows up before I know it. I sit at a table alone. Octavia hangs out with Raven. Luna and Lexa are nowhere to be seen. Sighing I push my plate away. 

_ We’re not even halfway done with the school year. _

“Where’s Raven?”

I look up to see Lexa. She smiles at me. “I made her mad.”

“How so?”, Lexa sits down.

“She thinks I like you and I told her I don’t. Now she thinks I’m lying to her.”

Lexa doesn’t say anything. She just looks at me. Her eyes looking at something.

“Where’s Luna?”

Lexa shrugs. “Can I ask you something?”

“I guess.”

“Do you know how Raven feels about Luna?”

“She said she likes her. I figured they were dating… why do you ask?”

“No reason”, Lexa reaches out. I look at her hand. She tucks hair behind my ear. “It was bugging me.”

“Right”, I look at my hands. 

_ Why is my heart beating so fast? _

“We still on for Friday?”

I nod.

“Great, see you then.”

“Y-you too.”

_ What was that?! _

********

“Raven?”, Octavia nudges me.

“Yeah?”, I look at her.

“Who you looking at?”

“No one.”

_ Clarke has to like Lexa. Just Lexa talking to her for a few minutes has a smile on her face. Why won’t she tell me? _


	23. Chapter 23

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

Friday, September 10th, 2055

I walk out of my dorm only to be met with Raven.

“Leaving already?”

“I told you I was doing something with Lexa.”

“Maybe after this you’ll tell me how you really feel.”

“This again?”, I step back. “Raven, I don’t know why you’re so convinced I like Lexa but… I don’t.”

“Yeah, you hate her so much that you’d rather spend your birthday with her than me.”

“It’s just a nice change”, I walk around Raven. “We can talk about this later.”

I meet Lexa by the college gates. She waves at me.

“Did we have to leave so late?”

“What do you mean?”

“The sun sets in 45 minutes.”

“That’s the point”, Lexa smiles at me. “C’mon”, she takes my hand.

*********

_ You got this Luna. _

I walk out of the school to find Raven. I see her sitting under a tree.

“Raven”, I walk over to her.

She looks up at me, tears going down her face.

“What happened?”

“I… I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“It has to be for a reason”, I sit by her.

 

**“Raven gets sad, mad, and jealous when Clarke hangs out with someone else”**

 

“Is… are you crying because Clarke is with Lexa?”

Raven freezes at my question. A million questions seem to flash in her eyes. “Why would that make me sad?”

“Well, when I used to like Lexa, her hanging out doing something without me made me sad. I thought she wasn’t gonna come back or was gonna find someone better. I got angry about it and would let that anger out on her therefore pushing her away”, I look at Raven. “Then I would get jealous. At first I didn’t understand why until I realized I had a crush on my best friend.”

“A crush on your best friend?”

I nod. “Maybe… maybe you like Clarke.”

“But we’re just friends, that’s how it’s always been.”

“But do you want it to stay that way?”

Raven shakes her head. “Ever since I was 13 I wanted more. I wanted us to be more but she would always have someone else in her mind. It was always Lexa”, Raven growls out the brunette’s name. “The person that left her. All I’ve ever done was stick by her and I get nothing!”

I look down. “I know how that feels but you have to realize”, I look back at Raven. “When your best friend is in love then they’re gonna get closer to the one they love. Just like you’re gonna get closer to the person you love.”   
“But the person I love is getting farther”, Raven looks at me.

“Then look at someone else”, I gently take her hand. “There’s more than just Clarke.”

********

“The fireworks are about to start”, Lexa looks at me.

“Can we go on the ferris wheel?”

“As you wish”, she takes my hand. 

I watch in silence as she negotiates something with the employee. Once that’s done I get into a cart. 

“What did you guys talk about?”

“You’ll see”, Lexa smiles at me.

Something seems to burst inside me. I feel my heart heat up along with my face.

“You’re turning red… are you sick?”

“No”, I shake my head. “I don’t know why I’m turning red”, I move to the other side of the cart. I sit across from Lexa. The cart suddenly stops. I look out the window. “Wow”, I look down. “We’re at the top”, I look at Lexa. 

“Yeah”, she looks at me. “It’s gorgeous.”

“Yeah, I like the sight too.”

“No, not that”, Lexa stands up.

I look up at her. 

She tucks hair behind my ear. Her finger lightly moving down my jaw then to my chin. Gently she tilts my chin up.

_ Why so close? Why so close? _

“You are”, Lexa leans in. Her lips gently pressed against mine.

I feel my stomach doing flips and my heart celebrating. But it stops when Lexa pulls back.

“They’re starting.”

“What?”

She smiles. “The fireworks.”

I look back out the window. Colors explode in the sky. I look down, my heart is still beating fast. “I… I think I like you.”

“What did you say? I couldn’t hear you over the fireworks.”

“N-nothing”, I cover my blushing face.

“If you say so…”

********

I look at Luna. 

_ There’s others… others? _

Leaning forward I kiss her on the lips. I feel her tense for a moment before returning it. I feel her hand go down my back then freeze. Breaking the kiss I smile at her. “It’s ok”, I kiss her neck.

********

I follow Lexa onto the college grounds. 

“Ew, lovers are doing it on a tree”, I whisper in Lexa’s ear.

Lexa looks at them. She smiles, “let’s leave them alone.”

“It’s their funeral”, I squeeze Lexa’s hand.

“Maybe”, Lexa glances at me. “Maybe we could do that too.”

Laughing I shake my head. “It was just a kiss. Plus I don’t know how I feel about you.”   
“Sex could help?”

“Sorry but no.”

Lexa frowns.

“But we can binge watch whatever series you want.”

She smiles and starts running. I’m dragged behind her as she runs.


	24. Note

I'm back home so updates will be more frequent. Sorry for the loooong wait. I appreciate your patience with the story


	25. Chapter 25

So I actually finished the story, on Google docs, but everything felt sooo rushed. I'm trying to spread it out make it seem not rushed, ya know? So I have all the chapters, I just need to adjust them. So I'm kinda hesitant to post it because Iw give you guys the best ending, but at the same time I don't wanna make you guys wait any longer.


	26. Chapter 26

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

I lean back successfully breaking the kiss. “What about the show?”, I wipe my mouth.

I have to lean back when Lexa leans in. “It can wait”, she absently stares at my lips. Her teeth biting her bottom lip.

“How can you say that about Stranger Things?”

“Easy”, Lexa unbuttons a button on my shirt.

I look up at her.

“When something this hot is at your hands then it’s really easy”, she leans forward. She looks up at me through her eyelashes.

Biting my bottom lip I look down at her, waiting to see what she does.

She smirks. She sits up. “Maybe we should watch the show.”

I glare at her. “Seriously?”

“It was your idea”, Lexa reaches over and grabs a blanket.

_ What the hell? _

“Ugh, goodnight”, I stand up. 

“Aww, don’t leave.”

“Nope, I’m leaving”, I head towards my room. 

Arms wrap around my waist. I stop walking.

“I thought you said no to sex”, Lexa kisses my neck.

“I did”, I tilt my head revealing more of my neck.

“Now you say yes?”

“Y-”

The door swings open.

“Are we interrupting something?”

I look over Lexa’s shoulder. Luna and Raven stand in the doorframe.

“No”, I shake Lexa off me.

“Well we just wanted to see if you guys were home but obviously you are so… we’ll be leaving”, Luna and Raven leave the dorm.

I look at Lexa. “Goodnight”, I head into my room.

September 11th, 2055

My phone goes off waking my up. I reach under my pillow and answer the call. “Hello?”

“Clarke! This is an emergency! Get to the Cafe, now!”

“Octavia, what are you talking about?”

“Just come to the Cafe!”

“It’s 7 in the morning”, I roll onto my stomach. “Let me sleep.”

“See you in 5 minutes”, Octavia hangs up.

Groaning I get out of bed. 

_ Not even a school day and waking up early. _

Not really caring about my appearance I put on sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“Why were we called here?”, I look at Octavia from across the table.

“What the fuck are you wearing?!”, Raven eyes my outfit.

“I met a really hot guy”, Octavia butts in.

I feel anger rise up in me. “Seriously? Seriously! That’s why you woke me up?”

“Yes, he asked me on a date and now I don’t know what to do.”

“Go on the stupid date”, I stand up. “I’ll be leaving now.”

Raven and Octavia both look up at me. My phone buzzes from a text message. I look at the message.

 

Lexa: Where are you? I miss your presence ಥʖ̯ಥ 💔

Clarke: I’m at the cafe and that face is reeeeally creepy

Lexa: I think it’s cute, anyways, why are you at the Cafe

Clarke: Octavia had an ‘emergency’. I’m heading home right now

Lexa: Will you be making breakfast? (º﹃º)

Clarke: Uh… no -_-

Lexa: Fine… ლಠ益ಠ)ლ

Clarke: …

Lexa: Hehe, I love you 😘

Clarke: (˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)

Lexa: Since you won’t make breakfast then I get a thousand kisses when you get back

Clarke: … what do you want to eat?

 

“Who are you are you texting with a smile”, Raven looks over my shoulder.

“No one”, I turn my phone off then it buzzes.

 

Lexa:（ʘдʘ╬) you’d rather make breakfast than kiss me?!

Clarke: Hate to break it to you but we’re not a thing 

Lexa: … that hurts

Clarke: What do you want to eat?

Lexa: Nothing! I’ll just starve

 

Laughing I shake my head.

_ Now she’s being stubborn. _

“I have to go, I’ll see you later”, I leave the Cafe.

********

“Is Clarke dating someone?”

“Lexa”, Raven sits back down.

“Did she tell you?”

“Nope, I just assume they’re dating. Though it’s not like Clarke to admit a relationship or get into one.”

********

I walk into the apartment. Lexa looks at me. She frowns and stands up.

“Hmph”, she stomps to her room and slams the door.

“I guess you’re not hungry.”

“Nope!”

“Ok, then I’ll have to eat alone.”

“Yes you will.”

“Boohoo, don’t make me eat alone”, I make a sobbing noise.

“Nope, sorry, you brought this upon yourself.”

“Where’s the love?”

“There isn’t any.”

“Fine, fine”, I make a sandwich. 

I hear the door open. “I want a kiss.”

I nod and bite into my sandwich. 

Arms wrap around my neck. “Kiss, kiss.”

I look up at Lexa. “You’re like a child”, I peck her on the lips. “Now eat something.”


	27. Chapter 27

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

********

I look down at the woman I love. A faint outline of a smile on her face.

“You eating or what?”

“I’m eating, I’m eating”, I sit by her.

“What’re you doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing”, I shrug. “I guess I do have a boxing match but after that… nothing.”

“You box?”, Clarke looks at me.

“I also play soccer”, I look at her. “I can’t be this hot naturally”, I lightly pinch her cheek. “Unlike you.”

Clarke looks down. I don’t see a smile instead it looks like she’s troubled by something.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing”, she smiles at me. “I was just thinking.”

“Right…”, I try to think of something. “You… you need a distraction?”, I put my sandwich down.

“That would be nice.”

I gently lower her sandwich down. “Good”, leaning forward I kiss her on the lips.

(Next day)

Getting out of bed I head to the bathroom. I take a quick shower before heading back to the bedroom. Clarke lies on the bed, her chest slowly rising before sinking back down.

_ She looks so peaceful. _

I sit on the edge of the bed and grab my phone. A few text messages pop up.

 

?: Call your family, they demand you do Mrs. Woods

?: You can’t ignore me forever

 

_ Who is this? _

I decide to ignore them and put my phone away.

“Who was that?”

I look over my shoulder to see Clarke sitting on her knees. “No one”, turning around I kiss her cheek. “Did I wake you?”

“Nah”, she rubs an eye. “The heat did.”

“Great, my hotness is affecting you.”

“You’re so full of yourself.”

Smirking I lean forward. “That wasn’t the case last night.”

Clarke’s face heats up. She quickly hides under the blanket. “Don’t talk about that!”

“You’re gonna die of heatstroke”, I lightly poke her side.

“Hmph.”

My phone goes off ruining the moment. “I’ll be right back”, I stand up and leave the room.

********

When I’m about to leave the room, I  hear Lexa yelling.

“You leave her out of this!”

I can’t hear the response of her yelling. I open the door and look at Lexa. She glances at me.

“Listen, I have to go”, Lexa spreads out her arm inviting me over to her.

Walking over to Lexa I wrap my arms around her waist. My face nuzzling into her neck.

“We’ll talk later.”

I look up at Lexa. “What was that about?”

“Just family problems.”

“Who’s… her?”

“Who?”

“You said leave her out of this… who’s her?”

“No one”, Lexa kisses the top of my head.

_ She’s doing it again. _

Sighing I rest my head on her shoulder.

_ Maybe she’ll tell me later. _


	28. Chapter 28

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

Monday, September 13th, 2055

“What are you doing?”, I glance at Lexa.

“Holding your hand”, Lexa leans against the elevator wall.

“Let go.”

“Why?”

“Let go!”, I pull my hand away.

The elevator opens. I step out, when I do, I notice Lexa not moving.

“C’mon, we’re gonna be late.”

“Why can’t people know?”, she tilts her head.

“I… we… we’ll tell everyone later. Now come on.”

Lexa eyes me for a second before walking out. “Fine, but you have to tell them.”

“I will.”

(Lunch)

“What are you doing?”

Lexa nuzzle into my hair. “You smell like strawberries… new shampoo?”

“Yeah”, I smile. “How’d you know?”

“You normally smell like cinnamon.”

I look at her. Lexa smiles at mel

“You two are so cute”, Octavia sits across from me. “Are you guys a thing?”

I look at Lexa. She doesn’t seem to have heard the question. At least that’s what I think until she taps on my thigh.

_ She wants me to tell them… _

“Uh”, I look at Octavia. “No and… yes?”

“How is that possible?”

I shrug. “It just is.”

I can feel Lexa’s eyes on me. I look down at my lap.

_ I feel like a child getting scolded. _

I tense at the feeling of a hand on my stomach. I watch as Lexa’s hand goes lower. It moves to my knee then slowly goes up, dragging my skirt up as it does.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing”, Lexa smirks. Her finger presses against me. “Nothing at all.”

“We’re dating!”, I blurt out the words.

Lexa’s hand freezes.

“I… uh, Lexa and I”, I look at Octavia. “W-we’re a thing.”

Lexa moves her hand away from me. She leans in and whispers, “that wasn’t too hard, now was it?”

I shake my head. When I look at Lexa I see something cloud her vision. Her smirk drops as she stares at something in the distance. I follow her gaze to a woman with white hair. The woman stands in the distance, her eyes on Lexa.

“Who’s that?”, I look back at Lexa.

“No one”, she stands up.

“Where are you going?”, I grab her hand.

Lexa looks at me. She puts her hand on my cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

I nod and let her go.

“This isn’t gonna end well.”

I look at Luna who is also looking at the woman. 

“I’ll be back”, she stands up and follows Lexa.

_ What th- _

“What the hell is going on?”, Raven voices my thoughts.

“Don’t know, don’t care. Anyways, I had sex with Lincoln.”

I look at Octavia. “Who’s Lincoln?”


	29. Chapter 29

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

********

“Is that your girlfriend?”, Jasmine looks at Clarke.

“Doesn’t matter”, I snap in her face. “What do you want?”

“Can I not visit my little sister?”, she ruffles up my hair.

“I’m not your little sister”, I push her hand off my head.

“May not be by blood but you became my sister as soon as you were adopted.”

“What are you doing here?”, I glare at her.

“I just have a warning.”

“From?”

“Me”, Jasmine tilts her head. “No one sent me here. It may not seem like it but I care for you Lexa. I want what’s best for you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“What’s the warning?”

“The longer you ignore, the worse the situation will get”, Jasmine pulls a file out from behind her. “They know how to get to you now, don’t get the girl hurt.”

I open the file. Pictures of Clarke lie in the file. There’s a red circle around her face. 

“Do what’s smart”, Jasmine turns and walks away.

“Dammit”, I hand the file to Luna.

“What are you gonna do?”, Luna flips through the file.

“I don’t know yet… but what I do know is that Clarke is to stay out of it.”

“Don’t you think you should tell her? Tell her that she’s being watched. That she’s dating the daughter of the richest man and also a psychopath!”

“I don’t want to scare her.”

“No, that’s not what’s gonna scare her”, Luna shows me a picture. “This dungeon is gonna scare her. When they kidnap her and do unthinkable things all because you didn’t want to tell her. Whatever blood is spilled from her body”, Luna puts a finger on my chest. “Is on your hands.”

I look at Clarke. She reaches over the table to try and get her phone. Her friends all laugh around her. When I look at the ground I see Clarke covered in blood. Her eyes staring into the distance as she gasps for air. Fear written all over her face as she helplessly lies on the floor. I can make out a word she mouths.

“ **_Lexa_ ** ”

********

“Give me my phone!”, I lean so far that my chair falls out from underneath me. Someone grabs the back of my shirt preventing me from hitting the floor. I gag at the force on my throat. I’m put back on my seat, looking over my shoulder I see Lexa.

She holds out her hand. With a shaky hand Octavia hands her phone over to Lexa. Lexa puts my phone in my butt pocket. I watch as she leans over, her hand resting on my shoulder. “You should be more careful”, she whispers the words. Her hot breath lightly blows on my ear.

Looking at the table, I nod. “I will.” I tense up as Lexa’s hand goes from my shoulder, to my arm, down my back then stops.

“Follow me”, she gently tugs on my shirt before walking off.

“Gotta go”, I wave to everyone. I almost trip over my feet as I follow Lexa. “Where are we going?”

Lexa doesn’t respond. I follow her into a dark area. She looks both ways before pushing me against a wall.

“What’s wrong?”, I look up at Lexa. 

She doesn’t respond. Her eyes staring down at me. I notice her eyes shaking.

“Lexa… what’s wrong?”, I put my hands on the wall.

“How much do you love me?”

“What?”

“Clarke!”

I flinch away from Lexa.

“... sorry, I just need you to answer the question.”

“I don’t know how much I love you, I mean it’s a lot. A lot, a lot.”

Lexa looks down. Her eyes scanning the ground before she looks back at me. “That’s relieving”, Lexa steps back.

“What’s with that question?”

“Just a question”, she takes another step back.

Something wet falls on my face. When I look up I see white flakes falling from the sky. “Snow”, I reach up. I hold my hand out, my palm face up. “First snow.”

 

(Ok so I don’t know why but I thought that Clarke could say “first snow, Lexa look” and then she looks at Lexa but she’s not there, then the chapter ends. I guess the next chapter would’ve been like a few years later and all that but I decided against it so… yeah)

 

I look at Lexa. She gently takes my hands. “I love you”, she kisses my hands.

Smiling I look back up. “So pretty.”


	30. Chapter 30

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

********

December 15th, 2055

My phone goes off again. Looking at the number I see it’s mom. I answer the call. “Leave me alone.”

“Did you consider our deal?”

“I already told you no.”

“You know we’ll get what we want.”

“I’m not transferring schools for your benefit.”

“Not for ours, we just need you to transfer, marry a certain person, and get their company.”

“And spend the rest of my life miserable”, I hang up.

“Was that them again?”, Luna walks up to me.

I nod.

“I brought you some lunch, you should leave your room every and now then.”

“I will.”

********

“How are things with you and Lexa?”

“Fine… what about you and Lincoln?”

Octavia shrugs. “We’re good, I miss him and it’s only been a week.”

“How long is he overseas?”

“For at least 5 months.”

“I’m glad Lexa isn’t ever leaving, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Probably fall apart”, Raven mumbles by me. 

“You would too”, I lightly shove her.

“Not as much as you”, she smiles at me.

I look down. “Lexa is acting strange…”

“How so?”

“Well…”

 

(a few days ago)

I scream when Lexa’s phone goes off.

_ Could’ve had a fucking heart attack! _

I look around for it and find it under the couch. “Who’s this?”, I look at the caller ID. I stand up and knock on Lexa’s door. “Lex… someone’s calling.”

“What’s the number?”

“843-34-”

The door swings open. “Did you answer it?”

“N-no.”

Lexa snatches the phone, “don’t touch my stuff without permission.” She slams the door on my face.

(present moment)

 

“Jeez, ok.”

“Yeah, but she’s been weird before that.”

 

(September 30th, 2055)

“Lexa”, I walk over to my girlfriend.

She quickly turns off her computer and closes it. “Yes?”

“I… I was wondering if you wanted to do something together? Like make a puzzle or something.”

“Can’t”, Lexa stands up.

“Why not?”

“I’m doing things.”

“Can I help?”

“No”, she disappears into her room.

(present day)

 

“There she is right now”, Raven points at Lexa.

“Lexa!”, I walk over to her. 

“What do you want?”

I don’t respond.

_ That was rude. _

“Nevermind”, I step back from her.

“Well it had to be something.”

“It was nothing”, I look up at her.

“Whatever”, Lexa starts walking again.

“That was cold”, I hear Raven say.

When I walk into the dorm, Lexa is sitting on the couch. She types away on her computer. I head to the kitchen looking for something to eat.

“Could you close the fridge? The light is bugging me.”

“Sorry”, I close the fridge. I head towards my room. “Lexa”, I stop by my door. “Do you think we can go to a fair tomorrow?”

“Why?”

“We haven’t done anything together in months… I just want to spend some time with you.”

“Yeah, yeah, we can do that.”

“Really?”, I look at Lexa.

“Sure, whatever you want.”

“That’s a promise.”

There’s no response.

_ Great, she’s no longer listening. _

“Goodnight”, I go into my room.


	31. Chapter 31

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

December 16th, 2055

“I didn’t think you guys would actually get around to doing something together”, Raven smiles at me.

“I just hope she shows up…”

“Of course she will… she loves you.”

_ Does she? _

********

“Why are you still here?”

I look at Luna. “I live here.”

“Not that, you have a date with Clarke.”

“What?”

“The fair! The fair Clarke wanted to go with!”

My eyes widen. “I forgot!”

********

“Aww cheer up love”, Raven rubs my back.

“How am I supposed to cheer up?!”, I look at Raven. “I was just stood up… by my own girlfriend!”

“Shh, shush, god”, Raven looks around the Cafe.

Whimpering I put my head on Raven’s shoulder. “I didn’t even get to see the fireworks.”

“Clarke! Clarke!”

I look around. I spot Lexa at the entrance. “Dammit”, I look around for a spot. I quickly get under the table. 

“Clarke”, two legs appear in front of the table.

I don’t respond.

_ Maybe she’ll go away. _

“Continue”, I hear Luna’s voice.

“I don’t want to talk about it here.”

“She’s your girlfriend, you did her wrong… now fix it.”

Lexa crouches. She tilts her head to look under the table. “Will you come out?”

Feeling angry, I spit at her.

“Right… taking that as a no”, she wipes off her face.

“Go away”, I look at her.

“Ok”, Lexa stands up.

I grab onto my pants as I hear Lexa walking away. 

“Go after her.”

I look out from under the table.

Luna motions to the door with her head.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Your feelings.”

Sighing I get out from under the table. I head out of the Cafe.

“Looking for me?”

I look at Lexa. “Do you not trust me?”

“With?”

“Everything. You’ve been… weird.”

Lexa shrugs. “Family stuff.”

“Fine, don’t tell me.”

Lexa doesn’t say anything. She steps closer to me. “I don’t know if you know this but”, she puts a hand on my shoulder. “Dammit I can't say it.”

“Lexa’s planning on moving away tomorrow!”

I look to the left. Luna covers her mouth.

“You’re moving?”, I look at Lexa.

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t tell me!”, I shove her.

“I was sorting through some stuff.”

“Which is? How to leave without me noticing?”

“No… listen I don’t really need college. I take my dad’s business in a year, and I'm already rich as rich can get.”

“And?”

“But I know you care for college and all that so… I was thinking I could leave and you finish college.”

“I don’t want you to leave!”, I grab onto her arm. “I don’t like being without you.”

“My point exactly so I pulled some strings and…”


	32. Chapter 32

Now, I know this story is going in the same direction as the last one. It all may seemed rushed, I even feel like that. I’m sorry about that. My friend said at the end of everything I should add some chapters of after the mess. I don’t know how you guys feel about that but I might do it. Also my friend and I were talking about a modern omegaverse like story. But I don’t know if I would publish it because it would be pretty sexually explicit. When you write with a female friend as horny minded as mine then that is destined to happen -_-

PS: It’s another Clexa, personally I’ve wrote a lot of personal GL love stories. I’m trying to find another female couple to write about but I figured I would write one last one for my friend to read and enjoy. But after that, I have to find another female couple. I might do moonlight Garden...


	33. Chapter 33

******** = pov (point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

“... I could get your stuff transferred to a nearby college to the place I’ve moving to”, Lexa waits for me to say something.

“I… I don’t want to leave my friends.”

“Then don’t”, she takes my hand. “Stay, stay until you’re done with college.”

“Raven said long distance relationships don’t work.”

Lexa looks down. “I was told the same thing.”

Through the corner of my eyes I see Luna walk away with Raven.

“Then… then what are we gonna do?”

“I don’t know but I have to leave, figure things out.”

“I can’t leave my friends so I guess that’s it.”

“Guess that’s that”, Lexa lets go of my hand. She takes a bracelet off her wrist. “Here”, she puts it on my wrist. 

“Didn’t your dad give you this?”

“He said to give it to someone I love”, Lexa kisses my forehead.

“You’re not leaving tonight… let’s do something.”

(Next Day)

I sit on the couch. 

“That should be everything I need”, Lexa checks her suitcase.

I look at my hands. “Do you need to leave?”

“Yes”, Lexa stands up. “I have family, financial, and money things to sort out.”

“Well then… goodbye”, I hold out my hand.

Lexa shakes it. “Until next time”, she smiles at me.

Shaking my head I hug her. “God, I never thought I would get a proper goodbye.”

“Neither did I”, Lexa nuzzles into my neck. “But hey, it happened.”

I step back. “Yeah, it did.”

When the click of the door sounds, it feels like my world crumbles. Like the thing I was chasing has disappeared. Like there’s nothing left.

 

**“You just gonna stand there kiddo?”**

**Looking to my right I see dad. “What am I supposed to do?”**

**“I’ve always wanted to give you away to someone, the person you loved but I can’t… not physically at least”, he chuckles at his own joke. “So consider this me handing you over.”**

**“To?”**

**Dad looks to his right. “Her.”**

 

Looking out my window I watch Lexa’s car drive away. It gets farther and farther.

 

**“Go after kid.”**

**“I’m scared.”**

**“Of?”**

**“Loving someone”, I look down. “They just leave in the end… like you.”**

**“Just because I’m gone doesn’t mean there’s no light”, he smiles at me. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, do you think I can stand the thought of me being the reason you can’t be happy?”**

 

“I wanna come”, I look around for my shoes. “I have to go with her.”

Running out of the dorm I run into someone. 

“Clarke?”, Raven looks at me.

“Sorry.”

“Woah, calm down. Where are you running to?”

“Lexa…”, I look around. “I have to find Lexa!”

“She left.”

I point to a motorcycle. “That’s yours… right?”

“Yes…”

“Great, jump on and drive me to the airport.”

“Thank you!”, I run into the airport. I look around for Lexa’s flight.

“Now boarding flight-”

“Lexa!”, I push past people. “Move!”

“Ugh”, a woman scowls at me.

I trip over her stupid dog. I watch as Lexa disappears into a hall.

“Dammit!”, I punch the ground. “I’m too late.”

“Clarke?”

I look up. Lexa runs over to me. “What are you doing here?”

“I came for you.”   
“I’m leaving.”

“Ma’am”, a woman walks over to us. “Everyone is boarding.”

“One minute!”, Lexa snaps at the woman.

“I want to go with you.”

“What? To France?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“You don’t have a ticket.”

I look down.

“Ma’am.”

Lexa holds out 5, 100 dollar bills. “You are going to let my friend onto the plane.”   
“I can’t do that, my boss would fire me.”

“What one does not know, will not hurt them.”

I look up at the woman. “Please?”

“Ugh, fine”, she snatches the money.


	34. Chapter 34

******** = pov ( point of view) change

_ This _ = someone’s thoughts

December 25th, 2055

********

“Leaving so soon?”, Mike looks at me.

“Yeah, I have someone waiting for me.”

“Tell her I say hi”, Michelle smiles at me.

“I will”, I pick up my phone. As soon as I do my phone goes off.

_ Why is Luna calling? _

“Hello?”, I head outside.

“Long time no… speak?”

“Back at ya.”

“So… how are things up in France?”

“Fine”, I unlock my car door. “Why do you ask?”

“Just asking. Many of us are wondering if you’re planning on coming back.”

“Not anytime soon. We’re staying until Clarke finishes school.”

“So 3 years?”

“3 years and a month.”

“Well… how’s Clarke? Do you like France?”

“It’s only been 10 days since I left the dorms but yet it feels like years. I don’t mind the feeling, neither does Clarke.”, I sit down. My car hums as I sit. “We now live in a penthouse, a fancy one if I might say. Clarke didn’t like her new college so now she studies on her computer. I’d say she’s adjusted quite fast. She’s like a puppy, waits for me to get home and greets me with plenty of kisses.”

“So you’re happy?”

“Beyond happy”, I look at a picture on the passenger’s seat. Clarke and I stand in front of the eiffel tower. “I’m… I think my fairytale finally has a happy ending.”

There's a knock on the window. A certain blonde opens the door. “Got time?”


End file.
